PATIENCE
Its hard. Nobody said it was going to be easy. Years ago, i used to say, I was born with very little patience and lost most of that somewhere along the way. So, suffice to say, I was very impatient to say the least, with everything! Waiting in line, driving in the car, cooking dinner, previews at the movies, etc etc etc.
A friend of mine once told me, whatever you do, dont pray for patience. She said it was an extremely difficult lesson.
As time went on, my mother became ill and needed more and more time and care from me. I would go to her apartment every day after work and help her with an endless array of chores. She then needed to take insulin but was unable to do it herself. We spent time at her kitchen table as i tried to teach her give the insulin to a tomato and a peach. She annihilated them each time.
So I prayed and I asked for patience. Please, teach me patience, is what i remember saying, and guess what.................my friend was right. It IS a lesson hard learned.
Every day I went to moms, she would either try to do the insulin and fail or she would refuse to try and fight with me. Sometimes she would throw a box of tissues at me, or whatever was handy next to her chair at the time. I tried to hold my composure. I always left in tears.
Then came the day I realized she wasnt able to take a shower on her own, even with her shower chair. I tried to help her, God how I tried to help her. It was like pulling teeth trying to convince her to take a shower, and even once she did, it was not the easiest task for either of us. But she did feel so much better afterward.
For months at a time it seemed like she complained about one thing or the other. Her nightgowns were too long, so i sat on the floor, armed with a pair of scissors and I cut them shorter. Her nightgowns were too short and she was cold. I bought a few new ones. Cut melon into little chunks for her snacks, only for her decide she wanted grapes instead. Argued with her about going to the dr. Brought her to the dr so she could complain that the wait was too long, it was too hot. She didnt know HOW people got their jobs, the way they all act. And i would sigh and hold my composure.
By the time mom went into nursing home care, I was exhausted. I had more patience, at least a little, but i was exhausted. Her dementia brought on a whole new level of challenges. I mean I could write a whole book. The times she called me at 2 or 3 in the morning and thought it was the middle of the day. I would just carry on a conversation with her like it really was the middle of the day. Sometimes she called crying, I would calmly talk with her and then hang up and call the nurse to check on her.
Some days, I would visit her and she would be picking bananas off of her comforter on her bed and asked me to hold the "box". I held the imaginary box until she "picked" all the bananas and we moved on with our day.
There were rough times, where she was angry and yelling and afraid. She would tell me she didnt want me to leave and that people were going to come in the night and kill her. I found the biggest, toughest looking male nurse and brought him to moms room to tell her i hired him as her bodyguard. My patience was growing into something easier to work with.
There were even better times, easier times, although crazy, but I sat with her as she explained to me in detail, the lovely formal party she was hosting in her room. She described beautiful ball gowns in vivid colors and sparkles. She even whispered out of the side of her mouth as she "gossiped" about one of the guests and who in the hell did they think they were. I went with it. It became easy. It sort of felt like a game. She maintained her dignity. When I left, I still cried.
I was glad I prayed for patience, and I now understand what my friend meant about how hard of a lessson it really is, but I did the right thing. The right thing for me and definitely the right thing for my mother. Do I still cry after I am patient for too long???? hmmm sometimes. And of course I am still impatient at times, like when we are driving in the car for over an hour and I am wanting to jump out the window..............dont worry, I havent yet.
Its hard. Nobody said it was going to be easy. Years ago, i used to say, I was born with very little patience and lost most of that somewhere along the way. So, suffice to say, I was very impatient to say the least, with everything! Waiting in line, driving in the car, cooking dinner, previews at the movies, etc etc etc.
A friend of mine once told me, whatever you do, dont pray for patience. She said it was an extremely difficult lesson.
As time went on, my mother became ill and needed more and more time and care from me. I would go to her apartment every day after work and help her with an endless array of chores. She then needed to take insulin but was unable to do it herself. We spent time at her kitchen table as i tried to teach her give the insulin to a tomato and a peach. She annihilated them each time.
So I prayed and I asked for patience. Please, teach me patience, is what i remember saying, and guess what.................my friend was right. It IS a lesson hard learned.
Every day I went to moms, she would either try to do the insulin and fail or she would refuse to try and fight with me. Sometimes she would throw a box of tissues at me, or whatever was handy next to her chair at the time. I tried to hold my composure. I always left in tears.
Then came the day I realized she wasnt able to take a shower on her own, even with her shower chair. I tried to help her, God how I tried to help her. It was like pulling teeth trying to convince her to take a shower, and even once she did, it was not the easiest task for either of us. But she did feel so much better afterward.
For months at a time it seemed like she complained about one thing or the other. Her nightgowns were too long, so i sat on the floor, armed with a pair of scissors and I cut them shorter. Her nightgowns were too short and she was cold. I bought a few new ones. Cut melon into little chunks for her snacks, only for her decide she wanted grapes instead. Argued with her about going to the dr. Brought her to the dr so she could complain that the wait was too long, it was too hot. She didnt know HOW people got their jobs, the way they all act. And i would sigh and hold my composure.
By the time mom went into nursing home care, I was exhausted. I had more patience, at least a little, but i was exhausted. Her dementia brought on a whole new level of challenges. I mean I could write a whole book. The times she called me at 2 or 3 in the morning and thought it was the middle of the day. I would just carry on a conversation with her like it really was the middle of the day. Sometimes she called crying, I would calmly talk with her and then hang up and call the nurse to check on her.
Some days, I would visit her and she would be picking bananas off of her comforter on her bed and asked me to hold the "box". I held the imaginary box until she "picked" all the bananas and we moved on with our day.
There were rough times, where she was angry and yelling and afraid. She would tell me she didnt want me to leave and that people were going to come in the night and kill her. I found the biggest, toughest looking male nurse and brought him to moms room to tell her i hired him as her bodyguard. My patience was growing into something easier to work with.
There were even better times, easier times, although crazy, but I sat with her as she explained to me in detail, the lovely formal party she was hosting in her room. She described beautiful ball gowns in vivid colors and sparkles. She even whispered out of the side of her mouth as she "gossiped" about one of the guests and who in the hell did they think they were. I went with it. It became easy. It sort of felt like a game. She maintained her dignity. When I left, I still cried.
I was glad I prayed for patience, and I now understand what my friend meant about how hard of a lessson it really is, but I did the right thing. The right thing for me and definitely the right thing for my mother. Do I still cry after I am patient for too long???? hmmm sometimes. And of course I am still impatient at times, like when we are driving in the car for over an hour and I am wanting to jump out the window..............dont worry, I havent yet.
You forgot how she went on about the straw shortage because I was on jury duty
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