SHOPPING THERAPY
Shopping has always been my therapy and happy place. I never had to spend a lot of money, in fact, the fun was in finding the deals and buying inexpensive things. Also browsing through items, etc.
Its funny tho, that since my mom has passed, here I am looking and begging for some therapy, for something, anything to lessen the pain and grief and to make me feel better. And shopping doesn't work! why? because each time I shopped, I would always buy something for mom, among my other purchases. It might have just been boost or body wash, but usually always some kind of fun trinket, gift or candy. She was like a little kid, asking me every time I visited, "what'd you bring me?" I never disappointed her, even if it was just smashed up macaroni and cheese or a donut where she could only eat the cream inside.
so shopping is now bittersweet. bittersweet, difficult and even sometimes upsetting. every day I see soooo many things, that, if, she was still living, I would buy. A time or two I have even put the item into my cart and then quickly realized what I was doing.
Mom loved frogs and it seems suddenly frogs are everywhere. Yellow roses, fancy perfumes, little fake plants, hangy leg characters, stuffed animals that sing. They are all sitting in the store on the shelves, looking for a home, and I don't need them. :(
I miss mom and I seriously have no therapy thru this grieving. I've gotten to the point now , that occasionally I will see an item I KNOW she would love and I KNOW i would have purchased and i smile a bit and shake my head. Old habits and love dies hard. Well, I know the love will never die, but I am hoping to lose the habit.
Its funny tho, that since my mom has passed, here I am looking and begging for some therapy, for something, anything to lessen the pain and grief and to make me feel better. And shopping doesn't work! why? because each time I shopped, I would always buy something for mom, among my other purchases. It might have just been boost or body wash, but usually always some kind of fun trinket, gift or candy. She was like a little kid, asking me every time I visited, "what'd you bring me?" I never disappointed her, even if it was just smashed up macaroni and cheese or a donut where she could only eat the cream inside.
so shopping is now bittersweet. bittersweet, difficult and even sometimes upsetting. every day I see soooo many things, that, if, she was still living, I would buy. A time or two I have even put the item into my cart and then quickly realized what I was doing.
Mom loved frogs and it seems suddenly frogs are everywhere. Yellow roses, fancy perfumes, little fake plants, hangy leg characters, stuffed animals that sing. They are all sitting in the store on the shelves, looking for a home, and I don't need them. :(
I miss mom and I seriously have no therapy thru this grieving. I've gotten to the point now , that occasionally I will see an item I KNOW she would love and I KNOW i would have purchased and i smile a bit and shake my head. Old habits and love dies hard. Well, I know the love will never die, but I am hoping to lose the habit.
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