A Day in the Life of Me and Other Random Sh*t

October 5th...the passing of my mother.  It was beyond difficult to handle for me....then the arrangements and the funeral.  The few weeks following that have been the hardest as shock starts turning into reality.  My stress and grief, not to mention, I'm sure, depression, began making me susceptible to everything. First a nice cough and cold.  I stayed in bed three days to prevent bronchitis which I always get and I was lucky to escape it.   Grieving and crying was miserable with a stuffy nose and cough. But with that finally conquered, on comes the stomach bug.  And anyone who has had it knows that at some points you kinda wish the Grimm reaper would show up at your bathroom door and put you out of your misery. I've learned a few things though the past few days.  A dog is a faithful and unconditional friend and will stay with you and protect you til the end.  A cat will come in and snuggle up to you nice and warm.  Then after nine...c...

Once upon a time there was a Mr Mr.  We all knew he was a Mr Mr even before he was born.  We thought about him, we bought things for him, we decorated for him, we loved him even.  Yes we loved him even before he was born. One day we saw him "in the tummy" on the special camera.  We saw an arm, and a leg, a foot and a hand.  We saw a little tuft of hair on the top of his head.  And we waited patiently for him to turn his head so we could see his face.  When he finally he did, he flashed us a quick little smile.  And love grew. The day Mr Mr was born, his grandma thought he was a bit of an angel with a head of beautiful black hair.  It even looked a little curly.  She called it grandma hair.  Hmppfhh, it didn't stay that way.  After a while it grew a bit longer, straighter and stuck up straight like porcupine quills.  Grandma called him porcupine head.  Grandma also called him walnut head cause his head was so small...

It seems like in this day and age everybody is in for what they can get for free simply for being inconvenienced.  So, if that were true, this is how my day went: First stop Walgreens.  I was returning some toothpaste and the girl couldn't get her computer to work right to do the return.  "please go to the other register and they will help you".  Ugh, now i'm inconvenienced.  I wait and wait, and the guy finally comes.  Beep, beep, swipe, scan, furrow brow, take my card, beep, swipe.  Ok, here we go.  Puts $8.49 on a gift card for me.  Now lets see, for my inconvenience, why don't you make that an even $10.  thank you. Off I go to the bank drive thru.  Tubeless banking, you know, its the wave of the future.   So, i'm making a deposit.  I insert my cash.  Two twenties go through and then the little door sticks shut, but not before spitting 3 twenties on to the ground.  I have to pull up, walk back, pick u...

I swear I live in the carnival Fun House.  The cat eats the dog food, the dog eats the cat food, the baby tries to eat ice cubes off of the floor.  There's a lot of noise noise noise noise and alot of clutter.  Sometimes though it's eerily quiet and you wonder what's coming at the next turn. There's alot of light.  Lights in all the rooms. Lit up like Luna Park.  But then around other corners when you least suspect it is darkness and sometimes screams. It's a rollercoaster ride running mostly at top speed.  It usually slows to take the turns but sometimes not and we all fall over.  There are alot of ups and just as many downs.  There is laughter but sometimes there are cries complete with tears. And there are those darn fat mirrors.  I don't remember who installed them but they arrived years ago and we have them in almost every room. It's mostly craziness and fun but the fat mirrors......they've got to go.

Its hard.  Its getting harder.  There are reminders of mom everywhere.  Even though I still haven't fully processed the entire thought that she is gone, I am still reminded of her at almost every turn.  Its tough that its Halloween season.  She loved decorating.  She loved Halloween decorations and as she got older she actually wanted to dress up with me.  She won first prize as a frog one year when she was a resident at Hudson Manor.  She carried on and on and got so mad thinking that I "fixed" the contest.  She said "oh, i'm only a frog for gods sake".   Then the next year we dressed as Halloween beauty queens, and last year we were cats complete with long claws.  I asked her several weeks ago what she wanted to be this year.  She wanted to be her doctor, Dr, Diasti and I could be his assistant Sherissa.  She was just so funny. I walk around the stores and look at all the Halloween decorations.  Its ok....

I lost my mother on Oct 5th.  I've been struggling, grieving and reflecting.  She had been a little over 2 years in long term nursing care, bed ridden.  She was not even able to sit up on the edge of the bed.  The CNA's would turn her and care for her each day, including feeding her.  Mom had many ailments but her dementia was the hardest to deal with.  Although she mostly had what I called a "happy confusion", there were times she would cry, get mad or shout out.  Her happy confusion would make her talk to "invisible people", always laughing with them and telling stories.  Sometimes she would be hosting parties and she would describe to me the beautiful gowns everyone was wearing.  Since she had macular degeneration and couldn't hardly see at all, this was touching to me.  She would tell me about the trips she'd take, mostly with her CNA Yanet (whom we affectionately called janet with a y).  They often rode on a train and she would...

There once was a girl.  A princess even!  A bitchy little princess.  She had fire and spit and was all kinds of crazy.  Mean as the day is long was she.  Her mother knew she was sugar and spice inside, but just a little rough around the edges.  She sometimes made bad decisions, she made wrong choices a time or two, and yes, she had her heart broken and squashed a few a times.   One day she met a man who was going to prove to her that "they are not all the same".  She said to him, "hello, who are you?".  He said, I am your superhero.  I'm going to rescue you, but only when you want rescued.  I'm going to take care of you, when you want and need to be taken care of.  And, i'm never going to leave you.  She thought for a minute and said, "oh really?".   He said, "Yes, and who are YOU?  you with that smile, that hair and ooooh, those eyes, who ARE you"".   She replied, "I am a superhero too, a...